My thoughts on Goldberg as Universal Champion

Last Sunday Goldberg beat Kevin Owens in twenty seconds to win the Universal Championship. I didn't watch the match because I've been pretty good about keeping up on my promise to boycott WWE. I still haven't given them money, but I watched Royal Rumble with a bunch of friends, because I like hanging out with people and yelling at wrestling while drunk and I watched Elimination Chamber because I love the chamber. I didn't watch this match, but it still infuriates me in a way stuff I watch doesn't.

For years WWE has been banking Wrestlemania on the name value of part timers and claiming that the full time guys can't draw. And for the most part it's their own fault that they can't. Plus 'Mania is going to get a ton of viewers no matter what the card is. Owens being destroyed in under a minute is something I could rant on for a long time and I might still, because I have to try and learn how to edit audio for a podcast my friend wants to do, but for right now I'll compare it to the closest comparison which was CM Punk losing the World Title to The Rock at Royal Rumble 2013.

At the surface they're similar as the champ is losing to a part timer in order to make the part timers match at Wrestlemania have more gravitas. That and the part timer did nothing to earn the title shot, but that is the extent of the similarities.

CM Punk versus The Rock started on RAW 1000 when the show ended with Punk laying Rock out with a Go 2 Sleep to end the show. On a personal note I was watching that show with a bunch of friends and that was the coolest fucking thing to us at the time especially for me as I had been watching Punk wrestle since he debuted in Ring of Honor. Rock disappeared again, because he had movies to make and Punk kept defending the belt for a record length in the modern era. Rock gets a title shot at Royal Rumble because he said he'd face the champ at Royal Rumble and that's why Punk laid him out. Also Rock was becoming a huge fucking deal as an actor and people fucking love him.

Now we get to the definitive difference and that is largely the length of the match and the quality. This was a good match. Rock was a little less good, because he was way too fucking big with muscles, but he still had a good match and he took big bumps and made the match feel big. The Shield even power bombed him through an announce table. And Punk won the match after Shield interference during a black out before the match was restarted and let Rock get the win. This was a good back and forth match that made both men look good. Then we went to the next PPV of Elimination Chamber and the men met again. Again we had a twenty minute match that Punk would have gotten a pinfall on Rock, but the ref was knocked out and The Rock ended up winning, but it was a good match and both men looked good. Rock went on to Wrestlemania and had a fine match with Cena although it was ruined by him tearing a muscle during it.

Now I defended all of Rock winning the title, but rest assured I hated it at the time and still do, but it makes sense and both men looked good coming out of those matches.

Then we get Goldberg getting eliminated from the Royal Rumble after about five minutes and beating only Brock Lesnar once and now he gets a title shot. Kevin Owens has been on a hot streak and just dumped his partner who kept helping him get wins because of the advice of HHH. So the match starts, Jericho's music hits, Owens gets distracted then speared, jackhammered and pinned for the win. It takes under a minute and now Owens looks like shit, because he got wrecked in no time, and the partner he ditched for other help screws him, while the others guys ignore him. To make matters worse Owens isn't getting a rematch at the title so Goldberg is the Universal Champion going into Wrestlemania. He's wrestled about six minutes in three matches, most of which was in the Royal Rumble which doesn't require a person to do any wrestling and he's supposed to be a big deal going into Wrestlemania.

All of this complaining before hand ignores the fact that the first time Brock Lesnar and Goldberg fought at Wrestlemania it was one of the worst matches I've ever fucking watched. In his peak Goldberg was mediocre at best and that was twenty years ago. Lesnar is only good when he's laying in shots and throwing his opponent around and Goldberg isn't going to go for any of that shit because he never has.

So what I'm saying is that Goldberg going into 'Mania with the belt has no real reason behind it whereas Rock going in built up Punk even with him losing and it escalated the rematch from last 'Mania between him and Cena. Even with those losses Punk was still over enough to face the Undertaker and make people believe he might be the one to end the streak. Owens will probably face Jericho in a good match that means nothing as Jericho will be leaving to play with Fozzy after Owens beats him. Then Owens will hang around in the upper midcard and do nothing for a couple of years and basically be Sheamus, except people like him.