Last Sunday Goldberg beat Kevin Owens
in twenty seconds to win the Universal Championship. I didn't watch
the match because I've been pretty good about keeping up on my
promise to boycott WWE. I still haven't given them money, but I
watched Royal Rumble with a bunch of friends, because I like hanging
out with people and yelling at wrestling while drunk and I watched
Elimination Chamber because I love the chamber. I didn't watch this
match, but it still infuriates me in a way stuff I watch doesn't.
For years WWE has been banking
Wrestlemania on the name value of part timers and claiming that the
full time guys can't draw. And for the most part it's their own fault
that they can't. Plus 'Mania is going to get a ton of viewers no
matter what the card is. Owens being destroyed in under a minute is
something I could rant on for a long time and I might still, because
I have to try and learn how to edit audio for a podcast my friend
wants to do, but for right now I'll compare it to the closest
comparison which was CM Punk losing the World Title to The Rock at
Royal Rumble 2013.
At the surface they're similar as the
champ is losing to a part timer in order to make the part timers
match at Wrestlemania have more gravitas. That and the part timer did
nothing to earn the title shot, but that is the extent of the
similarities.
CM Punk versus The Rock started on RAW
1000 when the show ended with Punk laying Rock out with a Go 2 Sleep
to end the show. On a personal note I was watching that show with a
bunch of friends and that was the coolest fucking thing to us at the
time especially for me as I had been watching Punk wrestle since he
debuted in Ring of Honor. Rock disappeared again, because he had
movies to make and Punk kept defending the belt for a record length
in the modern era. Rock gets a title shot at Royal Rumble because he
said he'd face the champ at Royal Rumble and that's why Punk laid him
out. Also Rock was becoming a huge fucking deal as an actor and
people fucking love him.
Now we get to the definitive difference
and that is largely the length of the match and the quality. This was
a good match. Rock was a little less good, because he was way too
fucking big with muscles, but he still had a good match and he took
big bumps and made the match feel big. The Shield even power bombed
him through an announce table. And Punk won the match after Shield
interference during a black out before the match was restarted and
let Rock get the win. This was a good back and forth match that made
both men look good. Then we went to the next PPV of Elimination
Chamber and the men met again. Again we had a twenty minute match
that Punk would have gotten a pinfall on Rock, but the ref was
knocked out and The Rock ended up winning, but it was a good match
and both men looked good. Rock went on to Wrestlemania and had a fine
match with Cena although it was ruined by him tearing a muscle during
it.
Now I defended all of Rock winning the
title, but rest assured I hated it at the time and still do, but it
makes sense and both men looked good coming out of those matches.
Then we get Goldberg getting eliminated
from the Royal Rumble after about five minutes and beating only Brock
Lesnar once and now he gets a title shot. Kevin Owens has been on a
hot streak and just dumped his partner who kept helping him get wins
because of the advice of HHH. So the match starts, Jericho's music
hits, Owens gets distracted then speared, jackhammered and pinned for
the win. It takes under a minute and now Owens looks like shit,
because he got wrecked in no time, and the partner he ditched for
other help screws him, while the others guys ignore him. To make
matters worse Owens isn't getting a rematch at the title so Goldberg
is the Universal Champion going into Wrestlemania. He's wrestled
about six minutes in three matches, most of which was in the Royal
Rumble which doesn't require a person to do any wrestling and he's
supposed to be a big deal going into Wrestlemania.
All of this complaining before hand
ignores the fact that the first time Brock Lesnar and Goldberg fought
at Wrestlemania it was one of the worst matches I've ever fucking
watched. In his peak Goldberg was mediocre at best and that was
twenty years ago. Lesnar is only good when he's laying in shots and
throwing his opponent around and Goldberg isn't going to go for any
of that shit because he never has.
So what I'm saying is that Goldberg
going into 'Mania with the belt has no real reason behind it whereas
Rock going in built up Punk even with him losing and it escalated the
rematch from last 'Mania between him and Cena. Even with those losses
Punk was still over enough to face the Undertaker and make people
believe he might be the one to end the streak. Owens will probably
face Jericho in a good match that means nothing as Jericho will be
leaving to play with Fozzy after Owens beats him. Then Owens will
hang around in the upper midcard and do nothing for a couple of years
and basically be Sheamus, except people like him.
